Episode 94 - Start with Why

It is important to have a WHY that is big enough to get us to act. We might want to start something, we might want to change something, we might want to end something, but having the right WHY is key before we get to the how or the what. Let's talk about it....Start with Why!

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Paul, Welcome to Catholic money talk, where we talk about all things money and finance, and we try to do it through a lens of being Catholic, where our ultimate goal is to one day be in Heaven with the Lord. I am your host. Paul Scarfone, thank you for being here today. Welcome back to Catholic money talk. The title of today's episode is start with why, and I'm going to tell you why that's important. But before we do that, let's say a prayer in the name of the Father and of the Son of the Holy Spirit. Amen, Heavenly Father. We thank you for this day. We thank you for all the ways that you love and bless us, Lord. Lord, we know that you have a great plan for us, that your ultimate plan is for us to be in heaven with you one day. Lord, just bless us. Give us wisdom for whatever situation we might find ourselves in. Give us strength to overcome the challenges and obstacles that are in front of us. But more importantly, Lord, to speak to our hearts, send us Your Holy Spirit so that we can embrace the will that you have for us to do. Each and every day we ask this all in Jesus name, amen, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. So start with why. Years ago, when I was at the bank, I was at a leadership development day, and one of the things we did we watched a TED Talk by Simon Sinek, and he has this book Start With Why, and he gave us, I think the TED talks about 10 minutes long. Maybe it's a little bit longer than that, but it's really, really important, and it talks a lot about the importance of having a why you have to start with why? What is the reason for you to fill in the blank, right? What is the reason my coaching practice, financial coaching practice, I kind of tagged the title of it dollar wise. And wise is W, h, y, s, and my little tagline is helping people find reasons to change their money habits, right? So the starting with why is so so important? I've got a class, a couples workshop, that we're going to be doing this week, as the first time I'm doing it, most of my coaching has been one on one individual, with couples working together, but this, we're, we've got a few couples, and it's the first time we're doing it's not a big class, but we're going to pull it in, and we're going to, we're going to talk about, how do we start? Right? And a big part of starting is answering the question, why? Thursday, when we have our class, our workshop, we're going to talk about, why is it important to work together on finances, and I'm going to start with a story. And I thought, as I was prepping for my class, I thought this is a great podcast episode to just put out there to the audience here, right? Catholic money talk. We're trying to find the way right, the correct perspective our faith lens on viewing our finances. You know, we were made to know love and serve God in this life so we can be happy with him forever in the next how do we deal with our finances? We might face so many of the same financial decisions that people that are not Catholic face, right? Not even Christian face, and we might end up making the same decision as those folks. But the way we come to our answer, the way we discern the challenge, the question, the decision, it should look differently, right? As Catholics, it should look different because our priorities are different. Our ultimate priority is to get to heaven. So when we look at things in our life, we need to start with why and what I'm going to do in the class. And it was done with me at a couple years ago at a facilitation workshop how to facilitate a room. And one of the things they said is, what is your bricklayer story? Okay, what is your bricklayer story? So here's, here's the bricklayer story. I'll give you this. So a man's walking down the road, and he comes upon three brick layers working side by side. And he asks each one the same question, why are you laying bricks? The first man replies, because it's my job, I need to earn money to eat and survive. Sounds very reasonable. He goes to the second bricklayer and says, Why are you laying bricks? The man looks at him and says, My father was a bricklayer. My grandfather before him was a bricklayer. For generations, my family has built with great skill and craftsmanship. I'm proud to carry on that legacy. Wow, that sounds like a great answer, too, right? Maybe even better than the first he goes up to the third man and the third brick layer and asks him, why are you laying bricks? Third Man looks at him and smiles and says, I'm building a school where. Boys and girls will gain wisdom and knowledge to serve and lead and shape the world for generations to come. Wow, right? He asked each of these three men, why are you laying bricks? And they all had had a reason for doing it, but you could see the depth of the reason, right? The first guy, if you offered him a job in carpentry, and you would pay him$1 more than he's making now, he'd probably do it right, because he's trying to earn money to eat and survive, right? That, that last man, I don't know that you'd be able to get him off of his task, because his reason for doing it is so deep, right? So let's think about that now, and I'm going to ask the couples on Thursday at our workshop, why do you want to work together with your spouse on finances? Why do you want to work together on finances? And imagine I asked that to, you know, maybe the people listening to this podcast, if I, if I just randomly grab three people, maybe the first couple says, we work on our finances together because we have to, bills need to be paid. Managing money is part of being adults. We need to eat, live and survive. Maybe I asked the same question to a second couple, and that couple says something like, Well, you know, our parents work together on money, and their parents worked on money together. And you know, for as long as we know fam, our people in our family, the adults in our family, have been responsible and pretty disciplined with finances. So we're we're trying to carry on that tradition. And the third couple, maybe they look at me and say, Paul, we work on finances together. Why do we do that? Because we're building a future. We want our children, even our grandchildren, to have opportunities, wisdom, resources to serve lead and shape the world for generations to come. Right? And I might even answer that as if I was, if I was asked this question, Paul, why do you and Taryn work together on your finances? I would say we have found such great fruit from working together on things, particularly hard and challenging things, finances being one of them. And when we do it well, and we work on it well and we we stop and we listen to each other's concerns, hopes, dreams, we know each other better. We're able to serve each other better. We grow closer together in unity, and that unity spills into other parts of our life, our raising children, our discussions of faith, tackling other decisions, car buying, home purchases, buying a home, home projects. There's so many things where our kids go to school right right now we're in the midst of tackling some car insurance stuff. Maybe I'll have an episode on that in the future. But these are important things that we've experienced when we work together. Well, in our finances, it spills over. That's why we do it. So what is your WHY right for anything in your life? You just think about it. If you want to develop a better prayer life, if you want to lose weight, if you want to get in better shape, if you want to pursue a career change, if you want to pursue a promotion, if you want to fill in the blank, start with why, and we'll talk a little bit more about that. So the I'll give you just a quick, probably two minute overview of start with why, right? So Simon Sinek, start with why. It's great book. And again, you can watch the if you're like me, watch the TED Talk. It's quicker, but it's really good. He kind of explains it very well, but it's built on the idea that people and organizations are most inspired and effective when they operate from a clear sense of purpose. Their why before, right? So kind of designate that before focusing on the how and the what. So my workshop we're going to be doing this Thursday. It's going to focus on the why and begin to touch a little bit then on the how and the what. But really it's going to be the starting point this why. So in the three stories we had, or the two stories we had with the three brick layers. And then I'll say that the the the marriage, the married couples. Little example I gave that level one right, those characters, those people, they operate at the level of what right? It's a task. It's a survival, it's an obligation. The level two characters, they go beyond the what, and they look at the how, right, what? How do they do it? Well, it's traditions to craft. It's the method they do it. And then the that third character in those stories, they're anchored in the why, right, what's their purpose, their mission, and their impact on others. This all shows the emotional. And motivational difference between just doing a task and doing it well and doing it for a deeply meaningful reason, and that's the key doing it for a deep reason. So here's a 32nd summary of start with why. With Simon Sinek, so start with why. It teaches that leaders and organizations who inspire others always start by communicating why they do what they do, their core purpose or belief, before explaining how they do it or what they offer. And Simon Sinek uses his golden circles what he calls it. It's his model of why, how and what to show the starting with purpose, that starting with purpose builds trust. It builds loyalty, lasting influence, because people are drawn to shared beliefs, not just products or actions, right? So relay that into these stories that I just told, but start to think of your own and for you're listening to a financial and faith based podcast. So let's look at it in the financial life, which I just kind of described to you, with the three couples. Or you could look at it in a faith, a faith lens to actually, as I'm thinking about this, this is really interesting. What if? What if someone said to you, why do you go to Mass on Sunday? I'd be a great question. Why do you go to Mass on Sunday? Let's say we just randomly picked three people out of a Sunday congregation, right? Like a little exit interview, and we say, Hey, thanks for coming today. Why? Why do you go to Mass on Sunday? And let's imagine the first person says to us, because I have to, it's an obligation. God commands it, and I want to stay in good standing with him and the church. Okay, you know that those are all true. Maybe the second person says, you know, we asked them, Why do you go to Mass on Sunday? And they tell us, my parents went every Sunday, and their parents did, and for generations, my family's been Catholic and have always been faithful to going to church and honoring the Lord's Day. So I'm proud to carry on that tradition. Okay, that's a reason. And then let's say we get the third person. We say, Hey, thanks for coming. Right? Why do you go to Mass on Sunday? And let's imagine they tell us, I go because at Mass I meet Jesus. I believe he's truly present in the Eucharist. I'm here to worship God, to be nourished by his word and his body, so that I can then go back into the world to love, serve and help bring his kingdom to life for generations to come, to build his Church on earth. Okay, that's a great reason for coming to Mass on on Sunday, right? And so this practice of asking why and starting with why will help us determine what's our driving force. And I'll actually be very telling. Be very telling. I was just recently talking to a friend who was looking at different jobs and not sure of different career moves or whatever he'd be interested in doing, and I I, I told him, this, what I'm saying now. And I said, Why don't you think about, why do you want the job? I forget what book I was reading, and they basically said, You've got to ask yourself and why. You got to ask yourself, why? Like, seven times to really break it down and get to the the core reason of something, right? Imagine if you've had little kids or toddlers, they're great at asking why it's time to go to bed. Why? Because it's eight o'clock, that's your bedtime. Why? Well, because if you don't go to bed by eight o'clock, you're not going to get a full night's sleep. Why? Because when you don't get a full night's sleep, you get really cranky in the morning, and then it starts to irritate me, and I start to have a bad day because I'm trying to deal with a cranky eight year old, right? You fill the whole thing in, right? So, but imagine that little kid. Why? Why? Why? Why do that to yourself? I'm sitting down to do my budget like, why am I doing this right now? Well, because it's not going to do itself. Okay, that's one. So why isn't it not going to do itself? Well, because I'm the one who made the transactions, and I have to keep track of it. Why? Because I want to make sure I'm not spending more than I have coming in. Why? Well, because there's other things I want to be able to do. Why? Because I've got hopes and dreams of things that I want to be able to be able to accomplish, experiences be able to be generous. Why? Because I feel like those are things that could put on my heart. Some of them are things that the Lord wants me to do. Why? Because God has a plan for my life, and if I don't have good order in my life, I'm not going to be able to hear him respond to Him and serve. Him. Well, whoa. So why are you sitting down to budget? Because I want to have good order in my life, so that when the Lord put something on my heart to do or accomplish or pursue, I can quickly assess my ability to do it and how I can go after it, right? So asking yourself, why is so important? What happens is, when we're looking to implement a change, a new habit, or whatever it might be in our life, and we fail to answer that, why? Right? We fail to start with why, or an appropriate why, right, one of good depth, we'll quickly abandon whatever new thing we were trying to do, because it just wasn't important to us, it just wasn't important to us, or we didn't make it important enough to us, we didn't get to that level with it. So, so that's what I have for us today. Start with Why? What is your bricklayer story for whatever topic or situation you might be in. Why? What are those things in front of you? Maybe it's pursuing your faith better, you know, creating a plan for your spiritual growth. Maybe there's professional growth. Maybe there's your physical life, your mental life, your medical life, whatever your relationships, your job, your family, your marriage, like, if you're going to work on any of those things, start with, why? Why are you going to do this? And ask yourself, why? Seven times until you get yourself to a good answer, right? Till you become that third bricklayer, right? So, what is your bricklayer story? Start with Why? Hopefully this was helpful. Again, as I was prepping for my workshop this Thursday, which I'd still be open to another couple or two joining if they wanted to. It's this Thursday, August 21 at 730 if you look in the previous episode, there is a link to the registration. If you you want to join. Yeah, you can feel free to. But as I was kind of looking through my slide deck and going over my notes in the workbook I was thinking about, you know, what's a good way to get this conversation going this, why are you here? Why do you want to work on your finances together with your spouse? And I want to be able to relay that to these folks like and they're going to take a minute to answer those questions separately, first as individuals, and then, you know, not in front of everyone. We'll have they can mute their mics, and they can talk to their spouse. They're going to talk to their spouse for a couple minutes, relaying their answers and maybe crafting one is them, for them as a couple, why they're attending this class. But use this. You don't need to wait for a workshop or some formal, you know, some some facilitator or, you know, session leader to say, hey, develop this. Right? The first time I kind of was faced with this, I was at a leadership training event. But it's something that I do use throughout that my days and months and years, right throughout my life, since then, of really trying to figure out what is my purpose, when I work with couples on finances, I'm constantly asking them, like, why do you want to work with me? Like, what could you hope to accomplish? Like, why do you want what and, and, and we, we try to spend time on what is that? Why? So start with, why? What is your third bricklayer story? What does your bricklayer story look like? Challenge yourself in whatever area you're trying to work on. Start with, why? I hope this has been helpful. Thank you for joining me today. God bless you. Thank you for listening to Catholic money talk. I hope you join us again next time, please click Subscribe in your podcast app to get notified of new episodes. God bless you and have a great day. You. I think.